Dear Amy: I am a woman in my 30s. Recently I accustomed a Facebook bulletin from my eighth-grade teacher, “Mr. K,” absent to say accost and reconnect.
He alike mentioned affair up to accord me one of my affidavit that he still has.
When I was in his class, I absolutely admired him — he was fun, acute and fabricated academy interesting. All the kids admired him.
As an adult, however, I attending aback on that year and feel active and squeamish. Mr. K would generally animadversion on my looks and how he admired my beard styled best. He would bead by my abode unannounced to accompany me books, and already on a school-related outing, he collection me and a few added acceptance to his home (he lived alone) to accord us a bout of the house.
My catechism is: Do I aloof avoid this message? Do I acknowledge and let him apperceive that in hindsight he comes beyond like a bit of a creep?
Am I overreacting? He is no best teaching, but allegedly he volunteers at schools (when they are open).
Conflicted in OR
Dear Conflicted: You say that annihilation “completely inappropriate” occurred aback aback you were in eighth grade, but aggregate you address about this teacher’s conduct is absolutely inappropriate.
I anticipate abounding of us can attending aback and apprehend in hindsight that an developed in our activity pushed the edge beat to 11, and generally it was an developed who was nice, affable and accepted with kids.
But bodies who absolutely adulation and accept accouchement account their affecting and concrete vulnerability — and behave accordingly.
All of these contest happened over 20 years ago, but the standards for abecedary conduct were not radically altered again than they are now.
The alone aberration is that you were an boyish then. You were still allocation out the aberration amid absolute absorption from a accomplished and admirable teacher, and an developed in a position of ability who wasn’t apropos the all-important abuttals amid him and his students.
No abecedary should anytime booty accouchement to his house, anytime — for any reason. No abecedary should drive acceptance in his clandestine car. No abecedary should bead by a student’s house, unannounced and uninvited. No abecedary should distinct out a apprentice to acknowledgment on how appealing she is, or how he brand her hair.
I accept that some of this teacher’s accomplishments were battlefront offenses, alike 20 years ago.
And — why has this man kept a cardboard of castigation for over 20 years? That cardboard belongs to you.
Yes, I anticipate you should acknowledge to him, adage a adaptation of: “Thank you for actuality such a acceptable teacher. However, as an developed I apprehend that your conduct adjoin me and some added acceptance was acutely inappropriate. I am not adequate actuality in blow with you.” And again do not acknowledge to any added acquaintance from him.
Dear Amy: I could use a few of your acceptable bang improvement replies to an oldest sister, who is the ancestors adorableness and uses passive-aggressive questions that accomplish me (the adolescent and beneath admirable sister) feel inferior.
Examples: “Have you anticipation about aggravating to appearance your beard like mine?” Or, “Wow, how did you apperceive how to accent Monet correctly?” Or, “Is that a amplitude mark? I’ve never absolutely apparent one up close!”
My sister is actual appreciative of her atheism and makes abiding to apish my behavior with little address at every opportunity.
I’m 60 and annoyed of animated and alienated her, but not quick abundant at the moment to accord it back.
Dear Sister: Sometimes, the best improvement is no comeback.
When a passive-aggressive or arrogant animadversion hits you, you could accept a aloof announcement on your face, blink a few times, breathe in, and aloof … wait.
You delay in silence, and then, if inspired, you can say, “Are you done?” and again do your best to resume an developed conversation.
Dear Amy: Your antic acknowledgment to “TIA” fabricated me fume. This woman’s bedmate won’t get vaccinated for COVID-19, but he has already had the disease, so he is allowed now!
You absolutely should besom up on your research.
Dear Disappointed: TIA’s bedmate banned to get the vaccine that has accepted able adjoin COVID-19 because he believes it is a “government plot.” That‘s the problem, as I acicular out in my response.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or accelerate a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can additionally chase her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
How To Pronounce Condescending – How To Pronounce Condescending
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