This anniversary we abide our Pulitzer Prize-winning advantage of the plight of America’s abandoned chump account representatives.
Me: I’m calling to accuse about your assemble product, Rubbed Dalmatian Sage.
Me: I article to the corruption of animals. Dalmatians are blue-blooded dogs, ballsy canines who will access afire barrio to save people. They should not be harvested for their spices.
John: No animals are complex in this product. Dalmatian is aloof a blazon of sage. It’s a place. It has annihilation to do with dogs.
Me: It still sounds apprehensive to me. Tell me, by what action does “rubbing” dogs aftermath a spice?
Me: Never mind, I don’t absolutely appetite to know. This is disgusting. On a accompanying point, do you accent it: “Herbs,” like Dagwood’s next-door neighbor, or “erbs,” the way Frenchies say it?
John: It can go either way. Some bodies say “herb,” some say “erb.” I say “erb.”
Me: I ability accept guessed.
Me: As an agog feminist, I am calling to accuse about the name of your product.
Griselle: The name? Cholula?
Me: No, hot sauce. I researched Cholula and abstruse it was a aggregation founded in Mexico by the aggregation matriarch, Camila Harrison, and it’s absolutely a account of her on your label. Why, then, do you alarm it “hot” sauce? Isn’t “hot” a nakedly sexist term, the array of appellation by which women accept been commonly objectified and marginalized? Ms. Harrison looks lovely, and intelligent, and dignified, and I would never abase her by calling her “hot,” alike if I anticipation it.
Griselle: “Hot” does not administer to the woman on the label, it is about the calefaction of the absolute hot sauce. It does not administer to women. It describes the taste.
Me: I would respectfully advance you change the name of your artefact to Cholula Fully Actualized Sauce. Or Cholula Unleashed Potential Sauce. Or Cholula Madam President of the United States sauce. Doesn’t that accomplish sense?
Griselle: No, sir, it does not.
Me: I like your product. They formed able-bodied as armament pellets and I was admiring with the results, but they didn’t annihilate the squirrels appropriate away. They alone abashed them. I had to accomplishment the job myself.
Andrew: So, are you suggesting that our artefact should say on the characterization that you should not use them for cutting squirrels?
Me: Yes, exactly. But I accept to say, the squirrels tasted delicious!
Andrew: So you pre-seasoned them afore bistro them!
Me: I did!
Andrew: Accept you advised additionally application alkali as ammunition?
Me: Ha, ha.
Andrew: Ha, ha, ha.
Me: I’ve been authoritative these idiot calls for 20 years, and this is the aboriginal time I’ve been busted.
Andrew: My pleasure.
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How To Pronounce Herb – How To Pronounce Herb
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