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Humor by Mordechai Schmutter: Minhagim are admired traditions. The botheration is that my ancestors has additionally taken on some 41 accepted things that we about do on Sukkos and Simchas Torah. I accept no abstraction why we accumulate them, but they became allotment of our tradition. Full Story

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By Mordechai Schmutter

From time to time, I run a yom tov commodity that is absolutely not accounting for you, allegedly – it’s aloof a way of recording my family’s credible minhagim. Minhagim are admired traditions, handed bottomward from bearing to bearing as a way of befitting our mesorah alive, but the botheration is that for the best part, handing things bottomward in this way is like arena a bold of telephone, where, over the years, some community get added, muddled, or taken out.

That said, it’s consistently a acceptable abstraction to address bottomward your family’s community about so your grandkids know, activity forward, whether your kids anytime absolutely paid absorption aback you talked.

1. Although I spell it Sukkos, I accept a minhag to accent it Sukiss. I additionally say Shavuiss and Shabbiss.

2. We accept a minhag to, in the canicule amid Yom Kippur and Sukkos, pay a appointment to Home Depot. Alike if we don’t charge anything. This is an age-old minhag, anesthetized bottomward from our forefathers, and we don’t catechism it.

3. I accept a minhag, afterwards we accomplishment putting up the sukkah every year, to go central the house, go upstairs, and attending out the window.

4. I accept a minhag to put up the sukkah on a Sunday. And to agitation every year about how few Sundays are left. This is admitting the actuality that I mostly assignment from home every day of the week. But I do appetite my kids accessible so they can advice me by bringing out a few of the poles and allurement me if they’re accepting rewarded.

5. Aback I’m putting up the schach mat, I accept a minhag to get splinters.

6. My kids accept a minhag to duke me the schach poles one at a time, erect to the administration I charge them in.

7. We accept a minhag to adhere a account of a sukkah in our sukkah. And in that sukkah, there is additionally a account of a sukkah. I admiration if we’re aloof allotment of someone’s picture.

8. My ancestor has a minhag, aback attractive at esrogim, to ask if they accept annihilation abroad in the back.

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How to pronounce Window English pronunciation | How To Pronounce Window

9. I accept a minhag to absorb 13 account afflictive knowledgeably at esrogim afore clearing on the additional one I looked at.

10. I accept a minhag to buy my hadassim in a bag so that I can’t see them until I get home, but I don’t buy my esrog and lulav in a bag.

11. I accept a minhag to put my hadassim and aravos in the fridge, like they did in the midbar.

12. My aravos accept a minhag to alpha axis amber the moment I pay for them.

13. We accept a minhag to zip our sukkah aperture bankrupt aback anybody leaves it, alike admitting animals can go appropriate beneath the tarp anyhow and bodies apperceive how to use zippers. Alike burglars. I don’t apperceive what burglar is activity to be addled by a zipper, but I assumption one who wants to abduct folding chairs.

14. My mother-in-law has a minhag, handed bottomward from her ancestors, that the aboriginal night of Sukkos, she comes out to the sukkah in a coat. It doesn’t amount how hot it is, or how hot it was aback she was alfresco bristles account afore yom tov.

15. I accept a minhag to serve soup on Sukkos, so we can see if the rain charcoal it. We accept this soup alike if it’s 90 degrees out and my mother-in-law is cutting a coat.

16. We accept a minhag to pop in to attending at added people’s sukkahs, alike admitting I don’t apperceive what we’re attractive for. Are we seeing if they’re kosher? Are we structural engineers? It’s not like I do home inspections during the year.

17. My kids accept a minhag to say that d’var Torah about how the samech of “sukkah” has four walls and the kaf has three and the hey has two-and-a-half, alike admitting no one in history has anytime congenital a two-and-a-half-wall sukkah that looks like a hey. How does that little half-wall breach up? Why do you charge a aperture if you’re already missing a wall? What are you, Avraham Avinu? And yeah, it could be that the belletrist are aloof a catchword device. So what’s the catchword accessory to admonish you not to absorb the vav into this d’var Torah?

18. We accept a minhag to about-face on our neighbor’s motion-sensitive backyard ablaze at atomic already over the advance of yom tov.

19. The non-Jewish neighbors abaft me accept a minhag to do architecture 3 anxiety from our sukkah while we’re aggravating to eat. Drilling, hammering, sawing, the works. Abnormally aback we try to sing. If there is annihilation for them to build, they accept a minhag to mow their lawn.

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How To Pronounce Window | How To Pronounce Window

20. My wife has a minhag to appetite me to sing over the construction. Like the neighbors are activity to say, “Ooh, that’s some nice singing. Let’s stop conduct and listen.” I anticipate this ability be why they’re accomplishing construction.

21. I accept a minhag to acquaint my kids every time they aces up the arbah minim to watch the pitum. Alike my teenagers.

22. My kids accept a minhag, while they’re watching the pitum, to bang the tip of the lulav into accidental walls and adolescent mispallelim.

23. I accept a minhag, if my esrog is not altogether straight, to authority it at an bend so that it looks altogether beeline to me. I’m the one who paid for it!

24. I accept a minhag to lose one of the rings about my lulav on the aboriginal day of Sukkos.

25. Anybody in my shul has a minhag, during Hoshanos, to absolutely balloon how to walk.

26. I accept a minhag to consistently end Hoshanos on the exact adverse ancillary of the shul from area I charge to be.

27. We accept a minhag to go out to eat on Chol Hamoed to a restaurant with a sukkah in average of the street, so that we can actually feel the cars casual by.

28. I accept a minhag to balloon to accomplish the bracha of Leishev Basukkah several times over the advance of yom tov, alike admitting I fabricated it a point to go out to the sukkah, bringing aggregate I charge with me, over the advance of several trips, and now I am in a sukkah amidst by signs about Sukkos, and I still balloon to say, “Leishev Basukkah.”

29. I accept a minhag, on Chol Hamoed, to eat yogurt and above eggs at the zoo. Because we don’t see abundant wildlife in our Sukkah. (Note: This minhag extends to Chol Hamoed Pesach as well.)

30. We accept a minhag, at some point over Chol Hamoed, to say, “It consistently rains on Chol Hamoed.”

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window – Wiktionary | How To Pronounce Window

31. Our minhag is not to abrasion tefillin on Chol Hamoed, admitting I affectionate of ambition I would, because I’m a lefty, and bodies beam at me and say, “Hey, you’re captivation your lulav in the amiss hand!” And that way I can say, “Yeah, well, I additionally wore my tefillin on the amiss hand.”

32. I accept a minhag not to beating any leaves off my Hoshanos, but not for abridgement of trying.

33. I accept a minhag to appear aback central on Hoshanah Rabbah and acquaint my wife that I threw our hoshanos on top of the sukkah, and she has a minhag to yell, “No! I capital to bulb those!”

34. My wife has a minhag to attack to abound aravos every year, usually in a abode that we will hopefully bethink not to mow them appear spring.

35. My shul has a minhag on Simchas Torah to sing the actual aforementioned songs that our antecedents sang the actual aboriginal time they accomplished the Torah.

36. I accept a minhag to aces up Simchas Torah flags for my kids at the bazaar for free, and I don’t apperceive why. No kid uses them. Are they activity to authority yet addition stick that they can use to blow adults while walking in a circle?

37. Aback I was growing up, a lot of shuls seemed to accept a minhag to ball pranks on the chazzan during Mussaf on Simchas Torah. How on apple was that okay? Maybe the poor guy had yahrtzeit?

38. My kids’ yeshiva has a minhag to accord off on Isru Chag. And if Isru Chag is a Shabbos, they accord off on Sunday and alarm it Isru Chag, like it’s a nidcheh, alike admitting the alone affair I’m acquainted of that gets pushed off like that is taaneisim. It’s taaneisim and Isru Chag.

39. I accept a minhag to sit bottomward the day afterwards yom tov with my kids’ academy affidavit and apprehend that I forgot to almanac how abounding abnormal anniversary kid abstruse anniversary day, abnormally since, for several of those canicule in a row, I couldn’t write.

40. I accept a minhag to be at a absolute accident as to what to do with my esrogim afterwards Sukkos. We aloof accept a box of tiny amber rocks that aroma acceptable that I don’t appetite to appearance my kids because they’re aloof activity to breach off the pitums.

41. I’m cerebration of starting a minhag to buy flowers for my wife afore Sukkos. That way she’ll do whatever actinic action she usually does to accumulate them animate for a week, and I can bastard my aravos in there every night.

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How to Pronounce window (10) | How To Pronounce Window

–Mordechai Schmutter is a freelance biographer and a amusement columnist for Hamodia, the COLlive Magazine and added publications. He additionally has six books out and does actor comedy. He can be contacted at [email protected]

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